Nostalgia

​nos·​tal·​gia | \ nä-ˈstal-jə , nə- also nȯ-, nō-; nə-ˈstäl- \

1: the state of being homesick : HOMESICKNESS

2: a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition

I've been there before. It's actually a form of entrapment in my mind that I'm now realizing I need to escape from. The evils of nostalgia. They say too much of a good thing eventually becomes bad and this is a prime example. For so long- my entire life actually- I thought my memories were the things that were safe, they were mine, they'd never harm me right? But if that's true, why do they sometimes pain me? Why do I experience nostalgia so strong that it brings me to howl out the emptiness within me into a pillow at 2am? Why do I keep finding myself back in the same cycles even though I should know better- nostalgia. Nostalgia can bring me so much joy as it so often does, remind me of the blessings I have and the adventures with my closest people that I hope I never forget. But when I'm alone, that nostalgia preys upon my weakness; 'that memory hurts, maybe I should've done something different. Maybe it wasn't their fault at all. Maybe I was overreacting. It's worth another shot'... and here I go again. Now back in a similar place I started with a sour memory trying to contort into a good one. But that's the thing. Too much nostalgia is evil. It keeps me in the past, wondering if it could've all been different. It prevents me from appreciating the present. It undermines my excitement for the future that I will have. That's the evil.