The Long Game

Tonight's one of those nights... you know, the ones where nothing seems right, completed or within your reach? Maybe it's me just being 26(scary scary stuff)and going through that 'quarter life crisis' or maybe it's the culmination of all the times I'm too hard on myself and my life. Working my 9-5, living alone, taking care of my home, myself, on the health grind, in therapy trying to heal my wounds and breaking generational curses, wondering when love is finally going to look like all of the books and movies that made promises to me as a young girl and trying to truly put myself on the map in my creative passions, producing a show and making that my source of income...I guess it's a lot for anyone. I've heard all my life about these dreaded 20s- nothing is in place... what did Monica Geller say..."floopy"? Yup, that's the perfect description for this phase- "floopy" and hoping one day it all becomes "un-floopy".

It's hard when you feel like nothing will look how you pray it does, when it feels like you're working towards all of your goals everyday and then someone asks "so what have you been up to lately?" and your mind blanks every time.... what have I been doing? But I've already had those moments where one day you do look back and you see all of that work- the work your mind blanks on- and see it has come to fruition. With me, though, it always seems longer than most. Not that I'm comparing my journey to anyone else's but there's been so many instances in my life when I wonder(ed) when it will be my turn- for the job, home, vacation, relationship, creative success- and one thing always proved to be true: I'm playing the "long game". I've heard that term my whole life but never felt it until now. It can really screw you up  when you see the highlight reels of other's lives constantly or when you're perpetually the "single" friend or when you apply to over 2000 jobs and get to multiple last rounds only to be denied again and again and then you wonder 'when will it be my turn?', 'will it ever be me?', 'will I ever get there?' and then one day you do. And it's perfect. Beyond your wildest dreams. And then you have that obligatory 'that all happened for a reason' moment. Yeah, that's how 80% of my life feels- always in the waiting. But man, that 20%, when the 'long game' finally ends (at least for that chapter) makes it all worth it. 

I guess what I'm trying to say to anyone reading is: we're in this together. To the ones who always feel like our turn is always delayed or our stop has been skipped, let's all come back to this post to remember we're just playing "The Long Game".

*Image sourced from https://tvgag.com/gag/welcome-to-the-real-world/ *All credits to rightful owners of image/show